Thucydides - the Warrior Scribe!!!
I have no idea who came up with this or why (in God's name, WHY?!?) but I find it endlessly amusing. All romantic portrayals aside, Thucydides was a long-winded, poetically senseless aristocrat who saw fit to use the most complicated language possible to meander his way through the History of the Peloponnesian War. Pfft. The 'Warrior Scribe'. He got exiled from Athens because he sucked as a general and so many citizens died under his leadership.